The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
