I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
