Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
