Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
