never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come on in and take your pants off
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