Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
