I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
