Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
