Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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