Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine

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(905): View more from Toronto

I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!

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(716): View more from New York

Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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(917): View more from New York City

well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'

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(256): View more from Alabama

dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me

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(912): View more from Georgia

we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself

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