Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
