the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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