a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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