I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
