It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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