When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
