And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
