I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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