Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
