It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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