Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
