tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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