I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drunk is not a location!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
