i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
