If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
