Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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