does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
