so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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