At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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