And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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