K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
