their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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