No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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