i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Text me some of your sweat
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
