i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
