I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just invented taco cereal.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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