I'm going to jail i love you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
