then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
