I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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