I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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