I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
