I hate all girls vehemently.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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