Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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