i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
