I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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