I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
