I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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