that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
