in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
