That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
